


1000 cold quiet days

by Jens



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Zuko (Avatar) Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27798394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jens/pseuds/Jens
Summary: Zuko’s the one who suggested the breakup in the first place. And when he did, and Sokka’s heart broke all over his face, Zuko just had to go and say, let’s still be friends. As if that would make things better. As if they even could build a friendship on the ruins of their relationship.orlocal idiot gets a second chance at a relationship he had previously thought doomed to fail.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 170





	1000 cold quiet days

**Author's Note:**

> title from Stanna hos mig by Kent (the song's in Swedish actually but I'm a language nerd and sometimes translate Kent lyrics for fun lmao and no, neither Swedish nor English is my first language but let's not talk about that)

It’s been 27 days since the breakup. Not that Zuko has been counting or anything, just a... casual observation. 

The fact remains that it has been 27 days and Zuko is sure he’s going to die soon. 

Because Sokka is sitting on his couch, comfortable as ever, talking about some girl he met - somewhere? Yes, obviously he met her somewhere but Zuko has no idea where because his heart stopped the moment the words ‘dating advice’ came out of Sokka’s mouth and he’s missed everything he’s said since then. 

Zuko’s the one who suggested the breakup in the first place. And when he did, and Sokka’s heart broke all over his face, Zuko just had to go and say, _let’s still be friends_. As if that would make things better. As if they even could build a friendship on the ruins of their relationship. 

But now Sokka is here, as a friend. Apparently he took that to mean that Zuko, his ex-boyfriend, is someone he could come to for dating advice, and isn’t that just the most wonderful thing?

(He knows he deserves this. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.) 

27 days, Zuko reminds himself. That’s less than a month. And Sokka is ready to date someone else. The whole relationship must have been pity on his side and this is how Zuko finds out. 

(He deserves it, he deserves it, he _deserves it_.)

“So how do you think I should ask her out?” 

Sokka is asking him how to ask someone else out? How would Zuko know, he doesn’t know her, he doesn’t know how to ask anyone out, he doesn’t know anything. All he knows is that he’s an idiot who ruined the best thing in his life because he’s a coward. 

He wants to tell Sokka to leave and never come back. What he says instead -

“I don’t know.” His tone is much sharper than he intends. Sokka picks up on it too; he studies Zuko for a bit before sighing. 

“Come on, I did _something_ right to get you to date me, can’t you give me some tips here?”

Yeah. Sure he could. All it would take is breaking his own heart, again. Not that Sokka knows that.

“I can’t do this,” he finally says. “I can’t help you with something like this.” 

“Like what?”

“Dating! I know I said we could still be friends but that doesn’t mean I can do this.” Zuko buries his face in his hands, trying to get his breathing under control. “It’s just- too much.”

“Friends help each other with this stuff,” Sokka says, his voice uncharacteristically cold. Zuko hates it, that’s not what Sokka is supposed to sound like. And worst of all, Zuko’s the one who made him use a tone like that. This conversation really is going to kill him. 

“Yeah, well. Not me.” _Not when it’s you._

He waits for Sokka to reply, or maybe leave and let him fall apart, but that never comes. And somehow Sokka _not saying anything_ is even worse than the entire conversation so far, especially when the silence drags on for much too long. Eventually Zuko forces himself to look at Sokka again. He regrets it almost immediately; Sokka’s expression is _awful_. There are so many emotions fighting for control on his face, none of them good, and Zuko has never hated himself more.

“...are you saying we can’t even be friends anymore?”

“W-what?”

“You were the one who suggested being friends after the break up and now you can’t be there for me as a friend? How else am I supposed to take it?”

“No-”

“I didn’t want you to be gone from my life for good and that’s why I agreed to staying as friends but this is _bullshit_ , okay-”

“I didn’t want to break up with you in the first place!” Fuck. Zuko slaps a hand over his mouth. He didn’t mean to say that, why is he _such an idiot_ -

Sokka shoots to his feet, suddenly furious. “So what, our relationship just ended on its own? No, it didn’t, you _wanted to_ break up. Because newsflash, jerk, _I_ wasn’t the one who said we should!”

“I know!” Despite his best efforts to stay calm, Zuko can feel panic climbing to his throat, making it hard to breathe. His hands are trembling too, a telltale sign of an impending panic attack. “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want to, I-”

“Why then? Why aren’t we still together if neither of us wanted to break up?”

“Because! I’m a mess!” Zuko’s entire body is shaking now. “You don’t want someone like me, you deserve someone better! And my father’s trial is coming up soon, I can’t drag you into it-”

“Wait, hold on, your dad’s trial? For what?” 

Out of habit, Zuko’s hand flies to his scar. He realises his mistake a split second too late, dropping his hand back into his lap, but Sokka’s eyes have gone huge. Zuko watches numbly as all the fight leaves his body on a slow exhale. 

“Your... your dad did that?” Sokka’s voice is strangled. With anger or pain or something else, Zuko can’t quite tell. 

He nods. Something in Sokka’s eyes shatters. 

“Seriously...?” His voice is quiet but there’s a distinct flash of hurt in his eyes. Zuko understands; he’s kept a lot of things secret from someone who he is supposedly very close to. Someone he should’ve trusted with this. 

This is exactly why Zuko needed to break up with Sokka. Zuko is, and always has been, unworthy of love; even his own dad couldn’t find it in himself to care for him, so how could anyone else? Especially someone as amazing as Sokka. No, Sokka deserves better. That hasn’t changed. 

(That doesn’t mean Zuko isn’t in love with him.) 

So, it was the right choice to break up, it _was_. The mistake was trying to maintain a friendship, inviting Sokka to his place like nothing ever happened, when he should’ve made a clean break. But maybe this, Sokka being here now, is his chance to make things right.

Zuko stands up too, feeling a bit unsteady. “I think you should leave now.” 

He may as well have slapped Sokka; the look on his face is certainly hurt enough for that. “...what?”

“I broke up with you for a reason.” _Because I don’t deserve you._ “And-and you want to date someone else now and I can’t help you with that so you should leave.”

“Hey, whoa, Zuko-”

“Didn’t you come over to ask for dating advice?” 

“Well - yeah, but I don’t want that-”

“Why not? What, you want to get back together with me instead? Do you really think our relationship is something worth trying to fix?”

Sokka recoils, and his voice is small when he asks, “you... don’t?”

Zuko... no, he doesn’t. Although it would be more accurate to say that Zuko never saw their relationship as having a chance at all. How could he, when Sokka’s so far out of his league? Feeling tongue-tied, he just shakes his head, and hopes that Sokka will leave it at that. 

“So that’s it then? We’re just - _done_ , can’t even talk about it?”

Talk. Right. Like Zuko didn’t think of that. “What are you going to say? That you love me and want to be with me, like that’s going to magically fix everything? Look, I’m not good at being a boyfriend, you don’t want someone like me-”

“You don’t get to decide that for me!”

Sokka isn’t violent, never has been. He’s not manipulative, he doesn’t want to hold power over Zuko, he’s a good man, a good person, he’s none of the multitude of horrible things Zuko’s father is, he _isn’t_ and Zuko _knows that -_

But he still flinches back when Sokka raises his voice. 

And it’s testament to the fact that it’s the first time Sokka has done that in Zuko’s presence that Sokka’s first reaction is just - confusion. He blinks, moves his hand as if to reach out to Zuko. 

“No!” It takes a moment for Zuko to realise it’s his voice. He doesn’t always sound so fragile, does he? At least not around people who aren’t his father. He’s better now, it’s been years since he got the scar, really he’s _fine_ so Sokka doesn’t have to look at him like that, like he’s going to _break_ -

Zuko doesn’t even realise he’s been pulling on his hair until Sokka reaches for his hand and gently untangles his fingers. His touch is featherlight, barely there, as he guides Zuko back to the couch, makes him sit down and carefully seats himself so they don’t touch.

All of this only vaguely registers to Zuko; he’s too busy trying to remember how to breathe. It’s awful, the way his chest heaves and every breath is not enough and too much at the same time. He thinks he might be crying, his chest hurts, Sokka is saying something but he can’t make out the words over the buzzing in his ears, surely he’s dying? 

But he doesn’t die. He has no idea how long they sit there, achingly close yet not touching, but eventually Zuko feels the panic recede and breathing comes easier again. Sokka lets him calm down, not saying a word until Zuko finally stops shaking. 

“Can I get you water or something?” Sokka’s voice is calm but it’s forced, Zuko can see concern written all over his face. Confusion too. And then it occurs to him that this might be the first time he’s had a panic attack in front of Sokka. 

...it is, isn’t it? Great. This day just keeps getting better and better.

“I’m fine,” he croaks. His voice is still shaky and Sokka clearly doesn’t believe him. Zuko wouldn’t either, if he were Sokka. “...sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry, I’m not angry, just...” Sokka closes his eyes, trying to find words. “Why didn’t you tell me? About your dad, having panic attacks, anything?” 

“How do you even start a conversation like that.” Zuko stares at the floor. There’s a stain he hasn’t noticed before so he focuses on it, wondering where it’s from. “Oh hey, did you know my dad nearly killed me when I was 13 and left me with lifelong trauma?” 

Sokka makes a strangled sound. “You were _thirteen_?!” 

Zuko’s going to be revealing every secret he’s ever kept from Sokka today, isn’t he. He’s surprised to find that the thought fills him with relief instead of panic. 

“Would it have made it better if I’d been older?” 

“I- no, not really.” Sokka is quiet for a moment. “You could’ve told me.”

“Don’t you mean ‘should have’?” Zuko presses the heel of his hand into his eyes. He’s so, so tired but he has to get it all out right now, otherwise he never will. “It’s just - not exactly easy to talk about.”

“I get that.” Sokka is bouncing his leg slightly. “I _get_ that, okay, I do, but you didn’t even give me a chance to support you and instead dumped me and I thought I did something wrong when we could’ve-” He cuts himself off. “It really hurt.”

Really hurt, huh. And yet Sokka came to ask his ex-boyfriend for tips on how to ask someone out. “It wasn’t that serious between us, right? It hasn’t even been a month and you’re already trying to woo someone else, you don’t have to pretend you’re upset-”

“Zuko. Shut up.” Finally, _finally_ , Sokka reaches over and crosses the remaining distance between them, taking Zuko’s hand into his. “You’ve got it all wrong.”

Zuko can’t look at Sokka’s face right now so he fixes his eyes on their hands instead. It feels like it’s been forever since Sokka last touched him and he’s starved for it. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not pretending, I’m actually upset about the way you ended things.”

Huh. Strangely, Zuko feels lighter. And then he feels guilty, because shouldn’t he be wishing for Sokka to get over him quickly? “But then- what about-”

“There was no girl,” Sokka interrupts, not unkindly. The way he tightens his grip on Zuko’s hand is so gentle and comforting Zuko feels like crying. “I made that up, I just wanted to have a reason to talk to you. And maybe make you jealous, since you kind of ripped out my heart when you broke up with me.”

Oh. “I’m sorry,” Zuko breathes, barely audible. “I’m really sorry.”

“I know. I just wished you’d talked to me, instead of deciding on your own that our relationship wasn’t important.”

“...I’m sorry.” 

“Will you stop that? You don’t have to apologise.” 

“Sorry.” Sokka’s grip tightens to painful for just a second. Zuko bites his lip; he can feel another apology forming. He’s not sure what else to say right now.

“But I shouldn’t have lied about that, it was unfair.” Sokka leans closer, not quite kissing him but close enough that Zuko could do that just by tilting his head. 

He doesn’t.

They fall into another silence, Sokka’s thumb rubbing circles onto Zuko’s skin. Like this, it’s easy to forget they are two people who are no longer dating. The thought hurts more than it has any right to. Because they were good together, weren’t they? Even if Zuko kept secrets, they balanced each other out; he wanted to always be there to support Sokka and he knows Sokka wanted to do the same for him - but now, they really are just two people who used to be together. 

Soon, Sokka will let go of Zuko’s hand and leave. 

(He deserves that, of course, but a part of him still wishes for a different outcome like a fool.)

“Hey. Can we try again?” 

Zuko looks up sharply, sure he heard wrong, but Sokka’s gaze is steady, honest. 

“You’d... want to?”

“I told you I never wanted to break up in the first place so yeah, I would want to be with you again.” Sokka’s free hand reaches towards Zuko’s, not quite touching. “But only if you’ll actually be open about important things this time.”

Zuko stares at Sokka’s hand. If he takes it, he’ll get another chance. A chance he doesn’t deserve, but Sokka is offering regardless. 

“But... you just said I broke your heart, why would you forgive me just like that?” 

“You’ll have to tell me everything before I forgive you for good. And we’re going to have to put effort into making our relationship work. Communication and all that.” Sokka’s fingers twitch. “But I’m willing to do that, if you are.”

Sokka is so much better than what someone like Zuko deserves. But right now he wants to be selfish, he thinks he’s _allowed_ to be if only this once, so he reaches his hand to grasp Sokka’s and finally looks up to his face again. 

“I am.”

*

It’s been 27 days since the breakup. It’s been a few minutes since they decided to get back together. 

Zuko isn’t okay, and it’s going to be a long time before he will be, but somehow Sokka still wants to be with him, and that - that makes him hopeful for the future. 

It’s going to be better this time. Not perfect, at least nor right away, but for sure better. Sokka deserves that. 

(Maybe someday Zuko himself will too.)

**Author's Note:**

> betaed by [envillapilo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/envillapilo)
> 
> I've been working on like 7 different things which is why I haven't been able to actually finish anything in a while but here's this at least? 
> 
> the post that inspired this was a collection of prompts for post break up scenarios and the one I used was “I know we agreed to be friends and everything but that’s what everyone says when they break up. I can’t take you asking me for advice on how to ask out the new person you’re interested in, okay? It’s killing me.” I'm a certified dumbass and lost the post so I can't link it here tho


End file.
